Old Port Festival Instagram Shenanigans 2017

In all, this year’s Old port Fest was a beauty.

It didn’t hurt that it took place on a gorgeous day. And it didn’t hurt that it took place on the first week in a long, long time that wasn’t damp and gross.

My own disposition was likely buoyed by my having had jerk chicken tacos followed by not one but two bowls of shaved ice, watermelon and tiger’s blood first and then cherry and tiger’s blood second. Or by being reminded that the event has actually come a long way in its 4 decades in existence. While eating that second shaved ice, I ran into a friend who has been around Portland for a while who leaned in and said, “Do you remember when this thing was just a bunch of drunks trying to **** each other in the streets by 10:30 in the morning?”

Quickly, here are some other great overheard gems:

  • Woman wearing “NO TIME FOR F***BOYS” halter top to her friend: “We are definitely the best dressed people here.”
  • “Did you see that old man wearing a Dr. Dre shirt?” [I was wearing that Dr. Dre shirt.]
  • “I don’t mean to rush you, but will you please hurry up?”
  • “This is definitely the people watching event of the year.”
  • “l’m sweating in. so. many. places.”

So anyway… Between the event itself and satellite tangentially related happenings (Mathews boasted a line-up of punk bands that served as the anti-Old Port Fest), Portland was alive with folks having a good time.

Here’s what the day looked like as illustrated by the people who posted about it on Instagram.

Always great advice by way of the wood paneling at Mathew’s.


I find larger than life puppets to be only moderately terrifying, but larger than life puppets can’t be all things to all people.


This is straight up on of the best photographs ever captured in Portland, Maine. Bonus, one of the hashtags re: Portland was #toomanywhitepeople. Let’s be friends, queer witch coven.


When your nails and choker match your beer can.


I appreciate that the Runaways were able to travel through time to make this year’s festival.


The next time The Donald does something stress inducing I’m just going to look at this picture.


“Through it all, hangin’ tough,
We’ll stay side by side.
We’ll be friends forever,
Til’ the end of time.”

Zack Attack


“Friends Forever (We’ll be friends forever)
With you everywhere (With you everywhere)
Friends forever (We’ll be friends)
Always will be friends (Always will be friends)”

Zack Attack


Bizarro Mumford & Sons.


I can’t do better than the actual caption on this, which sums up exactly how I feel: “Stressed because I don’t trust ferris wheels.” Amen.


Refreshingly, the cast of every Robert Altman movie was there.


I’m not even sure if this relates to the Festival, but it was taken downtown yesterday and it is pretty cool.


Vibes, bro.


I can’t tell if this is an X-Men reference, but Pride was represented in full force.


More Altman actresses, this time in Roller Girl shades.


Lolita shades + pride.


In which a literal model with tens of thousands of Instagram followers sensually poses with a cooked lobster. If the Tourism Association doesn’t somehow flip this into a campaign poster, I’ll be furious.


Wait’s beards atop Mathew’s.


I will never not post pictures of dogs.


That woman’s phone is massive. Side Note: Is that a Catwoman tattoo?


J.J. Abrams’s lens flare made an appearance.


I needn’t add anything more.


More from Mathews, this time Weakened Friends.


That aviators / blood red lipstick / giant snake look is on point.


Be still my heart, little buddy.


Just a trio of sorceresses drinking rose in the park.


“But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat motherf*****, don’t you ever forget”



Street meat.


These pants are effing rad.


I don’t know if this woman ended up a the actual festival but that Metallica shirt is the shit and she is my hero.


TheWorst, killing it at Mathew’s.


I appreciate everything about these two.


These women are Summer personified, basically.



Finally, Darth Maul—the RiFF RAFF of the Star Wars Universe—is not on good terms with his cardiologist. [maularoundtheworld]


Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.