Japanese beetle orgies, people who leave their pets in hot cars, and damning the weather in all of its extremes

Jeremy Smith is a USM alumnist and he works at his family’s antique store. He is also a friend of mine from the Cornish area. We attended the same high school, and now that I have a house back in town, we occasionally get together, drink beers and shoot the breeze about the real, the inane, and everything in between. When we are not doing that, he keeps me entertained by way of the wisdom he shares on social media.

On America’s most beloved garden pest

Being reincarnated as a Japanese beetle would have its pros and cons. The biggest cons would be only getting to live for one Summer and being such an all around loathsome creature that soapy water actually kills you. But the pros would be ya, you only get one Summer but that entire time is spent in one big orgy of outdoor sex and eating, often at the same time. I guess the lesson would be make the most of the time you have. And ruin someone’s rose bush. But mostly make the most of the time you have.

On Mainers precarious relationship with the weather

Maine is spending one half of the year jumping into the car begging the heater to please, please, work faster before I die and the other half of the year jumping into the car begging the A.C. to please, please work faster before I die.

On the pet owners jading the author about the human race

With all that’s going around about people leaving kids and pets in hot cars here’s something else to think about. About ten years ago I broke out a window of a car in the mall parking lot to get two dogs someone had left in there on a scorching July day. One was not moving when I got to it, but thankfully a lady who ran a restaurant nearby saw what was going on and brought out huge bowls of water from her fountain that we doused the dogs with right there on the sidewalk and they slowly came back around. The car owners staggered out of the Chinese buffet some time later and instead of thanking me for saving their animals they blew a gasket over their (slightly) broken window and threatened to call the cops. So if you do something like that, don’t stick around to confront the owners. They’re only going to make you more jaded about the human race than you already are.


Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.